honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
