Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
