We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
