I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
