i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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