Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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