My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
