At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
