i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
accomplished twins. life is a go
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize