Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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