If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
