Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
