just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
