that's an acceptable place to lick
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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