I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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