can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
