Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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