Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
