Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
