woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize