You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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