i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
