Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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