Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
