she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
