we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
