So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
