Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
