I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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