I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
