I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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