He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
