apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
