I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Randomize
