Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
did i walk over a car last night?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize