How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
