i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
