I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
