Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize