we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
