So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
