We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
