i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
