it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
