would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
