i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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