the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize