We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize