Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
