There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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