it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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