i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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