thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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