She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
