even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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