She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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