i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
love makes seman taste better
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
