i think my mom watched the whole time
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
