Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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