just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
