Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm going to jail i love you
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
