I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
