I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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