Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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