Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
