I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
