Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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