...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
