He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
