You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
