Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just cropdusted the office
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
