i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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