I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
