I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
