saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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